my life time struggle with Love memory loss.

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Imagine, in an instant, your spouse of  years doesn’t know you anymore. All the moments you shared together—gone, it does happen. My Love, after slipping and falling woke up with profound retrograde amnesia. In that simple accident, she lost all 30 years of his memory, including world history, his family, and me. Our marriage, our family, our life, deleted. She is  suddenly a stranger, a woman who looked at me blankly from his hospital bed, no flicker of recognition.

With that, I became a caretaker on her condition, I barely had time to think about whether this was forever. When we left the hospital, the doctors thought her memory would return within a few weeks, at most. So in those early days, I just tried to get through each day.

While She spent most of the day nursing an intense headache, I spent time putting out fires that were erupting in the love triangle without the leader at the helm. When she had breaks in the pain, we would watch TV. Just one commercial would bring up a never-ending list of questions for her. She asks things like: Why are people dressed in coats and it looks cold, when we are in light clothing and there is no snow? Why do people sound and dress different than we do? How big is Nairobi? How big is Kenya? The world? Many times these questions  lead us to family pictures that give some background into the world we live in and the things we had experienced together. I do find myself explain that there are different climates.

Speaking of Christmas, well, that took hours of explaining about tradition and religion. Again pictures provided some insight, but I was never too sure what he comprehended. I soon realized that she could only absorb so much at a time, and sometimes it would upset her to tears to realize how much she did not know. I stopped saying “do you remember when?” It was just too hard to see in his eyes the pain of not knowing things she could intellectually know that she once knew.

The family and I gave up rather quickly on trying to jog her memory; she would become so overwhelmed with sadness if the “trigger” didn’t work. So they just tried to tell her stories to fill in the gaps. It was like a puzzle, and each piece held knowledge, historic facts, or personal memory; sometimes when doing a giant puzzle, you have to take breaks putting it together see the important areas you need to solve next. After about a month without a single memory returning, I also stopped asking each morning, “Anything come back?” her saddened face and downturned head while shaking “no” was too heart-wrenching to watch. I didn’t want her to think that she let me down by not remembering. His pain was palpable.

About a month and a half after the accident, my friends urged me to join them for dinner, and they tried to cheer me up, cajoling me. “If she doesn’t remember anything, you could really reinvent who you are,” one said. I thought about all of the bad times I could erase from my past, the chubby times and the bad perms. As the wine flowed, my friends had even more creative suggestions: “You have an amazing opportunity here. After  years of marriage you can reprogram HER,” one said. “Tell her you go to the spa every Friday and you never clean the house and she always cooks.” And then, one of my friends said something decidedly unfunny: “Oh my God, what if she doesn’t fall in love with you again?”

I heard nothing else for the rest of the evening. This terrifying notion had crossed my mind before, but hearing someone else say it was paralyzing. When I got to my car that night, I sat, overwhelmed with emotion, and cried. What if she doesn’t want me anymore? What if she wants to live alone and experience the world without me? This is the kind of thing that happens in movies, not in my life.

I thought about the first time we met at a barbecue at his friend’s house in the suburbs of Nairobi. Unbeknownst to me at the time, it was actually on Her 22nd birthday. I was set up on a blind date and so was she, but not with each other. She and I met again on campus. Towering below me at 5 foot 4, she was an attractive pillar of strength, yet she won my heart with her gentle womanly nature and kindness, which she allowed only me to see. To the world she was this quiet, tough, driven alpha female; to me, she was everything I dreamed of in a woman.

As I got to know her better, he revealed all nonnegotiable values I looked for in a mate: honesty, wisdom, security, love, humor, courage, and respect in his words and actions. We spent hours as young lovers talking about our shared morals and values, and how we wanted to live like our parents had raised us—family first. Together, we enjoyed the simple life of the college campus,  and sharing cold leftover pizza for breakfast. I remember struggling to get though strenuous workouts, and then she would come by the gym after her practice. I knew that coy smile she gave me meant she wanted to walk me back home to study together, and my tired body would fill with anticipatory excitement.

Thinking about the longevity of our love, it was hard to believe that I would need to win back his love.As the weeks wore on, I spent every day by his side, while working from home. She often expressed his frustration with her loss of emotional connection to the past. He wanted to know what she was feeling in those moments of her life that we captured in photos or on video. She was also trying to understand her role in our family. I did notice that she watched me while I moved around the house, relentlessly questioning doctors and making sure she was as comfortable as could be. She was affectionate toward me. But I wondered: Would I forever be just a friendly face to her, or could we once again be something more?

The thought of it tortured me. I spent hours on the phone with my sister in law and best friend, venting and discussing solutions to various problems that were arising. Her sister played a vital role in keeping me strong. We hugged each other, often sobbing, while sharing our sadness, frustration, and grief. My unspoken inner sorrows were then given to God, praying for answers, healing, and peace.

It occurred to me that I could tweak my personality to be flawless—but that would take more energy than I had, and I figured she had loved me once before for whom I am. Maybe it could happen again.

As the weeks at home turned into months, she and I continued each day to spend time together, eating meals and watching movies and TV shows she once liked. I told her of how silly movie lines played a role in our family, quoting Dr. Evil. We had some laughs trying “new” foods that she could not remember, like Twinkies and candy bars. We laughed and cried together as she tried to remember who she was. Nothing was returning. We seemed to be only discovering more that she had forgotten.

Over the months, she never regained her memory. As she needed to know her world more, I thought it was vital for our relationship for me to share who I am, my emotions about things that had occurred in our past, and my thoughts about how we could get through this difficult time together. I shared details of our previous loving relationship; I showed her piles of family photos that I had saved, sorted, and stored. I wanted to fill in the lost memories and at the same time to exhibit the depth and substance of our loving life together, as well as the amazing selfless lover.

While I was creating some reality to our years together, I think I was etching in her the depth of my love for him, and she was realizing what “love” was. I don’t believe that I was reprogramming her love for me back into his heart. I believe, now reflecting on why she fell in love with me, that the fact that I kept loving and supporting her as I had always done, along with pure instinct. Her heart began to remember what her brain had lost.

In July of 2014, she got a single-photon-emission computerized tomography scan, or a SPECT scan, which revealed a profound lack of blood flow to the right temple and frontal lobes of the brain where it is believed that long-term memory is stored. Doctors told us that there is little hope that his memory will return. This was a huge turning point for us to accept that she needed to live for the future, as she might never recapture the past.

We continue to search for answers. There are still some rough days when we struggle with self-identity issues and the profound loss of memories. She tells me every day that she loves me more and more, and is so happy that I stood by her. While she has changed in many ways, as we all do over the years, I am grateful that the woman I fell in love with years ago is still by my side. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part for with time I have come to realize that the help is abundant from friends and this is how we manage to get via our different struggles

1. Taking on More Responsibilities

As the partner with dementia becomes unable to carry out his or her usual tasks, the unaffected partner begins taking on extra responsibilities.

How You Can Help:

Encourage the unaffected partner to receive ongoing support where he or she is most comfortable, whether that means leaning on family members, turning to a church community or bringing in professional help. In order for a couple to maintain a relationship when dealing with the effects of dementia, some find it helpful to bring professionals into their homes, or to move into a supportive living facility, rather than have the unaffected partner become the sole nurse, housekeeper and personal caregiver.

  1. Decline in Health for the Caregiver

The stress and demands of daily care negatively impact the health of the caregiving partner.

How You Can Help:

Remind the caregiver you’re concerned about not putting his or her own needs first, and offer to step in to provide respite care when you can. Caring for someone with dementia can be all-consuming, and many caregivers see their health, both mental and physical, suffer as a result. Offer to stop by and spend time with the affected person once or twice a week so that the other partner can take a break and attend to his or her own needs. During this time, the caregiver could run errands or go to appointments, attend a support group or do something enjoyable like see a movie.

  1. Personality Changes

When one partner experiences personality changes, loses confidence in their abilities, or acts unpredictably as a result of dementia, both partners often start to withdraw from others.

How You Can Help:

Stay engaged — emotionally, physically, socially — and keep the couple involved as a part of your social group. Invite them to spend time with you and to mix with others just as you have in the past. Maintaining your relationship may require extra effort, but a commitment to connecting in any way you can will help provide a sense of stability in an uncertain time. Lend a listening ear and share resources for support when it makes sense. Most of all, when you interact, remember to help the couple stay positive.

“I remember the best times we had together,” she says.

For a couple affected by dementia, small actions from family and friends can have a big impact. Simple acts of kindness like providing respite for the caregiver and helping the couple look on the bright side can make all the difference

As time unfolds we are to glad that family and friends stay by our side with positive notion that things will be great  one of the soon coming days.Living in the current and no one pestering her of the past …… Be sure of the covenant and vows you take up at the alter for better or worse do stand by your love…

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Existence of a thin line between BFF and girl/boyfriend

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What is the difference between a best friend and a boyfriend for a girl? What separates that thin line between a best friend and a boyfriend? I really need a girl’s perspective. What do they think is the difference?

Let me give you some background. I am putting up this question as a boyfriend who is not able to understand the relationship of his girlfriend with her best friend (male obviously).
PS: I completely trust her, but i didn’t wanna ask this question to her. is it so sad to face the facts and truth that lies beneath the line and when one crosses over to the other zone.
many that have been down the path that has now seems to be my downfall and am i being blind sided by love and giving up all that i have left and i am in this world. many have so far said:
:One is completely f-zoned,The other frequently boned.
Even though the first she’ll never kiss but on the second When he’s far she’ll        definitely miss. The second will share her lust,The first, at most her trust.
If you’re the first, just enjoy the schmooze,If you’re the second jealousy catches up with you if you trully love them for no male can/ will share the love of their life.
:Attraction and sexual chemistry. most of the girls will say My best friends are like my bros! No crossing lines there. No attraction. but the Best way to judge where you stand in a relationship (in your early twenties) – if you’re best friends, there won’t be any ego hassles. Transcend it to a relationship – you will go on days without talking to one another just to prove a point or mostly to assert that you’re right!
So. She will be more comfortable with you in terms of intimacy. But post-an argument, she’ll be comfortable letting go of it more with her best friend.

the un said details the love life cycle  the unspoken rules stands……Boy-o-boy,no girl will ever tell you these hard facts.

The most simple difference.
♡Best friend=(Boy friend)-(sex)

Call/chat times.
♥Boy friend = 9 pm to 9 am
♡Best friend = 9 am to 9 pm
And
9 pm to 9 am only when they are in a break up or fight. Here you get mindless crying and abusing of her boyfriend,but your only duty is to cobsole her.

Expiry date.
♥Boy friend = Will change according to who dumps who.
♡Best friend = A permanent position until you opt to get out of friendzone or she gets married.

Understanding.
♥Every thing that a boyfriend say is taken as the sonnets of love when they are not in a fight and everything that he says will be taken as insults when they are in a fight.
♡Even when the Best friend expresses clearly the way he loves her,she would always find it as the epitome of friendship.

Gifts.
♥Best friend gets the opportunity to select the gifts for her boyfriend and also see she screaming with ecstasy when she opens the gifts given to her.
♡As a best friend if you ever get a valuable gift than the raksha-bandhan,consider yourself lucky.

In short,from an Indian context.
Girls will get married at the age of 22-26.
Boyfriends would be usually good looking or rich guys.
Best friends would be perfect boyfriends,but either wont be having the looks or wont be that rich.
In the end 99 percent of girls will marry a total stranger,by that time boyfriend will be beneficial because he had at least a physical relationship (which in India is a big deal).
Best friend would be the loser,without any sex and also no future contacts with the girl. Even if she contacts she would be doing so only to complain.
So in the end best friend ends up as a loser.

Remember:
You either remain a normal friend or live long enough to be her best friend.

Boyfriend > Love + Full Access + Strings Attached
Best Friend > Like + No Access/Minimal Access +More Strings Attached
Friends with Benefit > No Love + Full/Partial Access +Other Benefits
this entire makes and sounds silly and majority of us have and know what is Every girl has these two kinds of male friends in her life… one is her boyfriend whom she love’s and the other one is her best friend who love’s her.
the best friend is meant to listen to the stories of her and her boy friend (like what they did all day , what her boyfriend gave her or said to her.. ), she before giving any gift to her boyfriend consults her best friend , he becomes her problem solver , counselor, rescuer.He is the one who most of the times sought out the fight’s between her and  her boyfriend. He is the one who completes her home work and helps her in her studies.
He is the one who always want to see her happy may be more than her boy friend … because loving someone and seeing her in someone’s other arm’s everyday and still being normal and helping her is not the thing everyone do.The other difference could be a girl always tries to impress her boyfriend by dressing up nicely , putting up make up or doing other stuffs whereas she does not do any of these to impress her best friend…

her best friend knows everything about her boyfriend (as she tells him everything and some best friends are so close that girl might even tell him when did she make out with her boyfriend) . but the boy friend has least knowledge about her best friend .
Lastly the boyfriend has license or right to get in physical relation with her whereas the best friend does not have this privilege.

Jealosy in my eyes cant console the tears in my heart but as day goes by u r bound to make  peace with all you cant achieve but caring, appreciation, paying attention to your lover is all you need to have in the sytem and never let anger frustrate the judgements after the fight as if you both make it via the bond is stronger and meaningful more than you  previously were.
let it a reminder to the past and the future.

The Hurt of the Heart

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Been  a while since i took time to reflect …

its always a simple as said but as said by majority ,”When a female  is used to getting hurt ,she won’t know how it feels wen a man starts to appreciate her and eventually she ends up pushing him away” it has been said and majority of are so used to the idea of getting hurt, it takes time to heal but facing our fears and finding that one reason to keep the relationship is what we all deny.

The most powerful tool in the life that we live in is LOVE, the greatest commandment in the Holy Book, The Bible. It takes time to develop love and for it to fade via Death that separates us. Love blossoms where there is care and sacrifice to all that we do as lovers , the most assured way when ua heart is hurting is to make peace with the person who made u suffer and get hurt in the first place, running from a problem doesn’t solve a thing but causes more remorse and hate between the parties.

At times we always get ourselves in the part where you hurt me more than i deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve, Why am I such a fool? but on the safe side don’t hold to anger , hurt or pain. they steal your energy and keep you from love gets us    un- prepared bearing in mind that Love is a cycle …… When  you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt,  you hate. when you Hate , you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing. and when you start missing you will eventually  fall in love again and again the process will someday repeat .

You will never know the power of yourself until someone Hurts you badly n i hope you ‘ll realize how much you are hurting me someday is all you say n may you smile  even when it still hurts with a wish that you get the power to ignore them as they ignore you but in remorse our tempers flare letting out the surprised motion,” So let us ignore each other , try to pretend the other person doesn’t exist, but deep down, we both know it wasn’t supposed to end like this”

with this in mind lets us not escape the fact that in love we are bound to encounter breakups or fights once in a while as long as we love, in the fights that we encounter always take deep breaths and avoid the word fights for once a tongue utters a word it cant be taken back, words hurt most and actions heal faster and recollect.

we break up to make up but all is based on what kind of break we experience:-

1. THE MUTUAL BREAK UP

This is where both partners agree mutually to terminate the relationship. It’s usually when all feelings have died or when one partner undergoes a major life change, such as a new job far away and can’t seem to stay in along distance relationship.This sounds like the least painful break up but most people still feel a sense of loss. Even if you don’t love them anymore, you might still find yourself missing them. Depending on how long you’ve been together, you might find yourself doing things “their way,” and expecting them home at certain times or going to restaurants that the two of you went to etc. Allow yourself time to grieve, and don’t rush to move on. This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it’s time to pull the plug on Grandpa’s respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I’ve never had a mutual breakup. I can’t catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can’t be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again.

2. THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP BREAK UP

An abusive boyfriend/husband is a definite sign that it’s time to breakup. While this kind of break up is necessary, it often feels even more painful than a normal break up. It can be hard for family and friends to understand why you still miss and probably love someone who has abused you but it’s extremely hard to fight these feelings. You might find yourself wanting to call them or meet up. This is a bad idea, as it gives the person control over you again. Instead, take some #time off and mourn for a few days. Then throw yourself into your life, as keeping yourself distracted is a good way to forget how much you miss them. If you were the abusive #partner, keep yourself out of relationships for a while and think about what made you act the way you did. Discussing your feelings with a therapist or getting anger management might be a good step and stay out of relationships until you recover.

3. HE LEFT YOU

This has the added pain of being a shock, which leaves you no time to prepare. If you’ve been broken up with, write down his number and hide it somewhere out of the way. Then delete it from your phone, so you aren’t tempted to call him. Have one day of mourning, with ice cream and sad films and as much crying as you like and then focus on moving on. Sign up for a new class, have a night with the girls… anything that will distract you and help you to move on. When you are feeling more balanced, you can contact him to ask why if you don’t already know. If the problem is fixable, suggest a meet up, but try not to get your hopes up. If the meeting doesn’t go as planned, it’s time to get over him and move on!

4. YOU LEFT HIM

So you’ve considered it for a long time and finally decided to break up. You told him and felt terrible and now you’ve realized what you’ve let go of. The most important thing is that you know what you want. If you aren’t completely sure, leave him alone while you gather your thoughts. Do you want him back just because you miss having a #boyfriend or do you actually miss him? Just remember that many #people regret break ups right after and usually it’s just a phase. But if your phase doesn’t pass, #contact him and ask to meet. Explain your reasons for breaking up with him and try to find solutions to the problems. If you manage this, then talk about getting back together. If you can’t find a way to fix the issues, the relationship will just crumble again and cause more heartache

Break ups are hard to deal with even if you were the one to cause it. Remember that you have to give yourself time to heal and overcome the breakup but don’t wallow. If you feel seriously sad, or unmotivated, discuss your feelings with a doctor who may be able to recommend medication or a therapist. It’s normal to feel hurt, but most people bounce back fine and even become stronger in the process. Every time a relationship fails, it teaches you something new and you are better prepared to start a new relationship

5. The Circumstantial Breakup

A cousin of the mutual breakup, the circumstantial breakup occurs when the environment around you won’t permit the relationship to continue: my parents hate you, you’re in Mombasa and I’m in Nairobi (or even, you’re one town over), I need to be single for a while, etc. Recovery time is shortened because the other person offers an excuse that takes the focus off your weaknesses or unattractive qualities that could have caused a breakup.

6. The Ultimatum Breakup

The most common ultimatum leading to a breakup is: “Ask me to marry you within the next year of I’m out of here.” Other conflicts could cause ultimatums as well: change your religion, get rid of that stupid old car, etc. Ultimatum breakups can be tough to get over because it’s annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it’s over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it’s quite a relief.

7. The Something Someone Said Breakup

My friend broke up with his girlfriend he was dating for years, and he mentioned a conversation that occurred shortly before they broke up. They were discussing wedding rings, and she asked how much he’d spend. He simply hadn’t studied the “market” so he threw a number out there: “I don’t know, ksh.15,000.” She scoffed and said: “You should spend no less than ksh.50,000.” He later told me after she said that, he couldn’t think of her the same way anymore. In fact, it put a figurative “X” over her image in his eyes. They eventually broke up, and this conversation was the springboard. This type of breakup is painful because you wish you could take something you said or did back.

8. The I’ve Been Cheating

Whether you find out from them or some other way, it’s the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating or trying to regain faith in the opposite gender  for getting the trust broken.

9. The First Love Breakup

The First Love breakup is one of the toughest to overcome. Some say you never get over it. This breakup teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, there are bills to pay, there are places to go. Things just can’t stay the same as they once were. Mine hit me when I got to college and my girlfriend stayed behind in college a year behind. Eventually, we had to move on. The first love breakup hurts so much because you’ve never experienced this feeling of loss and disappointment before. And, it’s part of growing up, and growing up is usually a painful process.

10. The Blind Side

My friend recently blindsided his ex. After she cried for an hour, he decided he had put in enough time and he left. This is traumatic because it comes out of nowhere. The blind-sider may have been thinking about it for months, and they conceal their intentions, then drop the bomb while everything seems to be going well. In fact, the couple may have spent time together the night before, but the blind-sider did so out of obligation.Blind Sides chip away at your ability to trust. If someone can break up with you when things seem to be going so well, you’ll have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting your new This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it’s time to pull the plug on Grandpa’s respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I’ve never had a mutual breakup. I can’t catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can’t be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again..

we all never mean to hurt the persons we love but when it occurs be calm and rethink of the situations before hand and after events, a genuine apology is all is needed to mend up for the  actions that caused us to hurt the heart that loves us .Make peace with the past before stepping into the next before it comes haunting

the complicated side of a Lady

After such a busy weekend as a man i can rest assured ITS MONDAY, and surely comes to sing along its Blues with mixxed reactions on most of our faces. We are not sure if it was right the way we  did  treat the ladies in our lifes but as married men says.

” BACHELORS SPEND TRIPPLE MY WEEKEND family money”, its the high time you need to do you accounting checkup to avoid mi-sharps in the week. treating a lady right comes with  its own consequences but if you are keen to how each lady in your life acts and behaves, engage them in a conversation two years after you both married and she will be like….WTH..! REALLY…? what were thinking ..?

reality check we all hide our true nature and colors when dating coz Honest and revelations at courtship yard always cost the prize  in your eye. its the serious and honest people in your life that we all hate so much that we want nothing to do with them…. don’t get me wrong on this neither should u crucify the messenger who tell it to your face.

In every cloud their is a silver lining and every gold plating  fades upon settling down .

  • When she walks away from you mad:
    Follow her.
  • When she stares at your mouth:
    Kiss her.
  • When she pushes you or hits you:
    Grab her and don’t let go.
  • When she starts cussing at you:
    Kiss her and tell her you love her.
  • When she’s quiet:
    Ask her what’s wrong.
  • When she ignores you:
    Give her your attention.
  • When she pulls away:
    Pull her back.
  • When you see her at her worst:
    Tell her she’s beautiful.
  • When you see her start crying:
    Just hold her and don’t say a word.
  • When you see her walking:
    Sneak up and hug her waist from behind.
  • When she’s scared:
    Protect her.
  • When she lays her head on your shoulder:
    Tilt her head up and kiss her.
  • When she steals your favourite shirt:
    Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.
  • When she teases you:
    Tease her back and make her laugh.
  • When she doesn’t answer for a long time:
    Reassure her that everything is okay.
  • When she looks at you with doubt:
    Back yourself up.
  • When she says that she likes you:
    She really does more than you could understand.
  • When she grabs at your hands:
    Hold hers and play with her fingers.
  • When she bumps into you:
    Bump into her back and make her laugh.
  • When she tells you a secret:
    Keep it safe and untold.
  • When she looks at you in your eyes:
    Don’t look away until she does.
  • When she misses you:
    She’s hurting inside.
  • When you break her heart:
    The pain never really goes away.
  • When she says its over:
    She still wants you to be hers.

for all that you do pay attention to the sudden changes in their unspoken ways of communication. happy times as we get into the holiday mood.

Tech Droughts helps in communication

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LIFE IS the best COACH.

as i am into technology a relative  told me that technology has invaded her home  taking over  most communication. as she relaxed on the couch after work one evening, she unsuccessfully tried to engage her 13 year  old daughter  in a conversation : yet they were in the same room but she was busy sending out text messages on her phone. she kept receiving one line answers even  when she wanted elaboration . she sought to know how many texts she had sent that day.

she recounts the daughter responded without looking up saying, in a  it-is-non-of-your-business tone that she did not know. when she insisted , she said 50texts (in seven hours she had been) she was quick to add that some of her friends were not yet at home.

she took this to mean that was a” low texting season” and things were about to get busier. her ordeal reminded of a  recent episode on the Steve Harvey show where Steve was responding  to a plea from a mother who believed that technology infiltration n in his home had led to  communication breakdown among her family  members. He and her two daughters and a son  aged 13,11 and 8 respectively spent far too much time working on their electronic devices.

Her plea was how to make his family spend less time in the virtual world and begin  communicating more often with one another.

they immediately thought to go “cold turkey’ for 48 hours. that is all their gadgets would be confiscated and they would only have each other for company with the show’s cameras recording their every move. the confiscation went without  a hitch  but as the weekend rolled on, evidence of their addiction  to gizmos unfolded.

1. feeling isolated.

the first casualty was the 13 year old daughter followed by the 11 year . within the first 12 hours, the eldest had begun  kicking a fuss  and became hysterical. her sister  was no better .

when asked what was bothering her, she said she was feeling isolated and confined, she had no alternative way to spend her time and had no intention of adopting a different  lifestyle. the young mas was more addicted to his PlayStation  and other games and appeared bored when told to go and play with other children. even the parents began to feel the effect of tech drought. the mother  complained of feeling out of control and realized that she had relied on her phone more than she thought, she felt crippled without.

watching this family reveals how society has become dependent on mobile technology  for communication and entertainment.

another friend shared his  family, he  felt while on a road trip with his family. he had to call his children’s attention  to watch anything interesting during the journey and felt they might as well have stayed at home.

i think  the idea of a trial cold turkey period is the beginning to weaning ourselves of this addiction. communication in a family is the fabric that holds it together.

relationships are fed by communication between the parties. physiologists are increasingly finding more people, across all age groups who find it hard to live without their gadgets.

2. Stimulate the body

the 11 year old  girl in the family under observation was particularly incensed that, among the items she “lost” was the new iPhone she had received as present two weeks earlier.

addiction sometimes sterns from the excitement to experiment with new technology. parents should  let their children know of alternative sources of entertainment.  there is need for teenagers to appreciate and engage in other activities that can stimulate the body and brain. it is advisable to be offline occasionally so one can spend quality time with one self.

there is a certain ‘fix” people get when they feel others want to engage them with these gadgets. parents should let their children know that properly choreographed exposure and choice of company may in the long run create a uniqueness that would make them more appealing to friends.

for as much as the technology has positive influence on our life addiction to it leads to unsocial lifestyles and become unreliable people. the early you tame your kids with the gadgets at their disposal communication channel will not be affected. be on the look out  and once in a while let you and your family enjoy“COLD TURKEY”  serving .

9 reason y we all cheat

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How do you write about cheating without sounding like you’re vouching for  it.How do u show that there’s a grey area that people don’t see.Being a thorough feminist,its only fair that i talk for women.Gone are the days where women stayed home and waited for their husbands to come home @ dawn smelling like other women..You know that song”when you’re doing your thing baby;don’t think im not”.The game has changed.

So then,why do  women cheat?
1.Not enough Sex
Remember those good old days when you stayed up all night fooling around.When you couldn’t get enough of each other?Then life got busy.work,evening classes..boys nights.Women like to feel wanted.If you’re not making her feel that,she WILL seek it elsewhere.

2.SELF-ESTEEM
There’s nothing like sex with a pretty boy to boost low self esteem.She will feel sexier,more beautiful.If your woman has has low self esteem its not your fault,however there are ways to make her feel secure  in the relationship.pay attention to her,pay her genuine compliments.

3.Being the bad girl
Just as men feel the urge to sow their wild oats,some women have an inner sex kitten waiting to be released.This will normally be awakened after a big thing,a new job,dramatic weightloss..Just make sure its you she is talking to about her excitement or her new found body love and not that stranger at the bar..and then,well we all knw how that ends

4.Revenge/payback for past wrongs.
So you did something that hurt her thoroughly.Maybe you lied about not having a child then your baby mama showed up.whatever.A big betrayal.She will get back at you,your days are numbered son.

5.FEELING NEGLECTED/IGNORED/UNAPPRECIATED
Women work hard and at times men dont recognize that.I remember when a certain ex was almost moved in with me.So id leave xul,hit the gym,fix dinner and still wear a little sexy thing for him when he got home.All in a days work,right.Buh guess what,that ‘thankyou babe’ or the ‘damn,the food is amazing’  went a long way.When he stopped appreciating,i stopped being nice.

6.MEN’S EMOTIONAL WITHDRAWAL
While women prefer talking about their feelings,men withdraw.They go to their man caves to deal with their issues and shut their women out.Women feel ignored when the guy acts like that,or they think he has lost interest..so they’ll start looking around.

7.BEDROOM BOREDOM.
Sex can become monotonous if you let it.Same position,same place,same time,same person…Get it?
An affair gives an adventurous/dangerous feeling.Keep things spicy.Fantasies!!.Ask her about hers..Tell her about yours..live them out.Do you like white women,let her wear a blonde weave and act white:)Does she like men in uniform?well,your cousin Mark is an ‘Afande’ right?Borrow his uniform for a night..seriously.Fool around in the lift,sneak away from a party and make out ..kiss her unexpectedly.You get the drill.Don’t be boring.

8.YOU’RE HER PUPPET & SHE CONTROLS YOU
While i hate to be controlled,i don’t want a man i can control.Women like challenges.Have you become a doormat?does your life revolve around her?Does she tell you what to do all the time.Are your lips swollen from constantly kissing her ass??Is it you i’m talking about?Well then u need to Man up,and find your place in the relationship,before she gets bored with you and leaves.

9.YOU CHEATED.
“If a man cheats on you,cheat on him and don’t tell him.The world looks more interesting that way” Need i say more?Sorry will not do it after a man cheats.Sometimes you need to do what you have to do to be even,to punish him.

For a woman,cheating is more emotional than it is physical.If there’s someone giving her making her laugh more than you do..then,its only a matter of time.
Kiss kiss pretty boys hope this helps:)

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man to man talk with son

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as my son turns five and just  graduated to class one, i have noticed he has a close attached to a small girl of same age and he bold introduces her to we ( my wife n I) “mammie, mammie , dad look whom i brought over for lunch!”

we both look at each other in awe but he continued and with a cheeky face that made me run for the hills when he said,

“dad, how do u see my new girlfriend ?,aint we just  cute together”

at that moment i realized why it was now the right time to have a man to man talk with my handsome young son, as too much TV was what he had n i hate surprises  that are accustomed to him. i had a hard rough time explaining why on this earth you cannot:-

1. You Can Not Chase Money And Women At The Same Time – Even when so many fathers have made this mistake in their youthful days they still end up failing to tell their sons that one cannot hunt for money and women at the same time. It is either one makes money and then start chasing women or the other way round.

2. A Man Gets More Respect Based On His Pocket – This point is not trying to encourage crime or ungodly acts in other to make wealth but to face reality. It is a known fact that both within the home front and the society at large, a man is respected the more according to how comfortable and financially free he becomes.

3. Women Can Make Or Ruin You – So many fathers even when they know the truth of the power of any woman, still shy away from enlightening their sons on the critical hidden powers a woman possesses. From the days of Adam, Samson, Solomon, Abacha and other notable men, we have seen how a man can either rise or fall through the power and influence of a woman. A man should therefore thread as softly as possible when dealing with a woman.

4. A Woman Can Smell A Successful Man From Miles Away – Women naturally have an hidden instinct of knowing a man who is successful or have the tendency of being successful in the future. So many women have stuck to a struggling and upcoming man against their parents wish of marrying an already made man. A woman will say things like “he has a bright future”, “he has potentials” or “he will be a great man in future”. Ladies who have uttered such words and stuck by their men have never gone wrong. Example is how Michelle Obama stuck with Barack through thick and thin.

5. A Woman Doesn’t Like A Weak Man -When fathers tell their sons never to give in to a woman’s pressure, they mostly advise their sons to be forceful on issues to prove he is the man of the house. When in reality, women prefer men who say less and do more, rather than the ones who keep talking but do less. The latter is the typical meaning of a weak man but fathers always advice to do such to prove he is the king of the house.

6. Women Appreciate Men With Fatherly Characters – Most men always miss out on this and as such never advise their sons to be a father figure to their wives. Women are best at doing this but every woman wants a man who sits her down to advice her, reason with her, give her constructive criticisms and above all, believe in her.

7. It Is Easier To Catch A Cheating Man Than Catch A Cheating Woman – Most men till date don’t know that it is far easier to get caught cheating as a man than catching a woman who cheats. A woman can make a man ‘father’ every single child she has but only her knows who the biological father is, while a man can hardly keep it as a secret from his wife when he has a love child outside the matrimonial home.

all long he sat there staring at me and when i was done he just asked me,

“dad does this make me man enough to propose, ?” to her in class so as i can marry her when we turn both 13  in  2920days to  come and on reducing end ?”

i just couldn’t say another word to this small brains that i had now made more enlightened for i am sure the grandpa was now happy looking down on us n overhearing  us have the talk that he couldn’t have with me at such tender age.

Honesty: the best thing that anyone can give you n aid your future that awaits.

 

LUST vs LOVE

I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. In the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all. the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness. Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.” Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love is not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each othe, signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.

SIGNS OF LUST

  • You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
  • You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
  • You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
  • You are lovers, but not friends.
  • SIGNS OF LOVE

  • You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
  • You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
  • You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
  • He or she motivates you to be a better person.
  • You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.
  • Another challenge of sexual attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions. Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware so you don’t go looking for trouble.As foir new relationship one has to consider the feelings involved top make decisions and you gotta  Watch for:

  • A little voice in your gut says “danger” or “beware.”
  • You have a sense of malaise, discomfort, or feeling drained after you’re together.
  • Your attraction feels destructive or dark.
  • You’re uncomfortable with how this person is treating you, but you’re afraid that if you mention it, you’ll push him or her away.
  • Over the years, I’ve learnt that women’s focus on showing how to identify and act on their inner voice. The gut senses a potential for kindness and violence. Many women who are / had  been in abusive relationships admits, “My gut initially told me something was wrong–but I ignored it.” The pattern is always consistent. They say, “I’ve meet a man. At first he’ll be charming, sexy, sweep me off my feet. The electricity between us was amazing. I’d write off the voice in my gut that said ‘you better watch out’ as fear of getting involved. When later the abuse began, I was already hooked.” Some gut instincts though, are anything but subtle. It’s so much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you’re not always guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, “This person is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy.” To be happy, take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This allows you to wisely go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve.

    I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.

    In my book “Guide to Intuitive Healing” I discuss the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness. Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.” Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love, not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other. Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.

    SIGNS OF LUST

  • You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
  • You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
  • You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
  • You are lovers, but not friends.
  • SIGNS OF LOVE

  • You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
  • You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
  • You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
  • He or she motivates you to be a better person.
  • You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.
  • Another challenge of sexual attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions. Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware so you don’t go looking for trouble.

    difference between dating being relationship.

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    Dating itself can be incredibly confusing, much less, defining what your relationship status is. The difference between dating and being in a relationship can be subtle. It is important to discuss relationship boundaries with the person you are dating, and be clear in your communications with them.

    1. Commitment

      • The difference between dating and being in a relationship is commitment. If you are going out with someone on a regular basis, and you and your partner have agreed to date only one another, then you are in a committed relationship.

        However, if you are dating a person and neither of you have agreed to date exclusively, then you are not in a relationship and you are both free to also date other people.

      2. Is it Mutual?

      • Some of the most heartbreaking relationship problems can be caused by lack of communication. Have you and your partner discussed your relationship status? Did you come to a mutual agreement about your relationship status as a couple? If any of this is unclear to you, at any point in the dating process, you should discuss it with your partner.

        According to “Dating for Dummies,” “Sexual intimacy, although not necessary to a committed relationship, is often one of its hallmarks.” Regardless of your intimacy level, you still want to be clear with your partner about your relationship status.

      3. Expectations

      • Prior to talking, you should sort out how you feel about the relationship, aside from anything your partner may feel, and decide what you want or need from your partner. The book, “Getting Love Right: Learning the Choices of Healthy Intimacy,” suggests asking yourself the following: “Are the people you are presently involved with capable of giving you what you want in a relationship? Do you share similar expectations for the relationship? Are you currently involved with someone who has the potential to be a healthy partner?”After giving these questions some thought, you will need to have a discussion with the person you are dating.

      4. Discussing it

      • So, you are confused about the status of your dating relationship and you need to have ‘the big talk’. How do you bring it up? The best way to have this discussion is directly, and in a friendly manner. Also, it is best talk in person. Discussing your dating life via phone, e-mail or text allows for miscommunication. Be direct and ask the person whom you are seeing if they want to be exclusive or not.

        If the person you are seeing is reluctant to discuss the status of your relationship, give them a few days to consider it. If they still shy away from discussion, this could be a red flag.

      5. Confusing Behaviors

      • Occasionally, you might date someone who displays confusing and sometimes manipulative actions or behaviors. For example: You have discussed it and have decided not to have a committed relationship, only casual dating. However, your date becomes possessive when your cell phone rings, or someone says hello. Or, your date will attempt to convince you that they are only seeing you, but they won’t actually commit. In either of these cases, you should reevaluate your relationship and consider whether or not you want to be involved with a person who is manipulative.