bboy

kenya bboys

Advertisements

LUST vs LOVE

I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. In the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all. the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness. Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.” Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love is not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each othe, signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.

SIGNS OF LUST

  • You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
  • You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
  • You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
  • You are lovers, but not friends.
  • SIGNS OF LOVE

  • You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
  • You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
  • You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
  • He or she motivates you to be a better person.
  • You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.
  • Another challenge of sexual attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions. Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware so you don’t go looking for trouble.As foir new relationship one has to consider the feelings involved top make decisions and you gotta  Watch for:

  • A little voice in your gut says “danger” or “beware.”
  • You have a sense of malaise, discomfort, or feeling drained after you’re together.
  • Your attraction feels destructive or dark.
  • You’re uncomfortable with how this person is treating you, but you’re afraid that if you mention it, you’ll push him or her away.
  • Over the years, I’ve learnt that women’s focus on showing how to identify and act on their inner voice. The gut senses a potential for kindness and violence. Many women who are / had  been in abusive relationships admits, “My gut initially told me something was wrong–but I ignored it.” The pattern is always consistent. They say, “I’ve meet a man. At first he’ll be charming, sexy, sweep me off my feet. The electricity between us was amazing. I’d write off the voice in my gut that said ‘you better watch out’ as fear of getting involved. When later the abuse began, I was already hooked.” Some gut instincts though, are anything but subtle. It’s so much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you’re not always guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, “This person is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy.” To be happy, take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This allows you to wisely go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve.

    I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.

    In my book “Guide to Intuitive Healing” I discuss the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness. Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.” Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love, not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other. Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.

    SIGNS OF LUST

  • You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
  • You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
  • You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
  • You are lovers, but not friends.
  • SIGNS OF LOVE

  • You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
  • You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
  • You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
  • He or she motivates you to be a better person.
  • You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.
  • Another challenge of sexual attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions. Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware so you don’t go looking for trouble.

    difference between dating being relationship.

    Dating itself can be incredibly confusing, much less, defining what your relationship status is. The difference between dating and being in a relationship can be subtle. It is important to discuss relationship boundaries with the person you are dating, and be clear in your communications with them.

    1. Commitment

      • The difference between dating and being in a relationship is commitment. If you are going out with someone on a regular basis, and you and your partner have agreed to date only one another, then you are in a committed relationship.

        However, if you are dating a person and neither of you have agreed to date exclusively, then you are not in a relationship and you are both free to also date other people.

      2. Is it Mutual?

      • Some of the most heartbreaking relationship problems can be caused by lack of communication. Have you and your partner discussed your relationship status? Did you come to a mutual agreement about your relationship status as a couple? If any of this is unclear to you, at any point in the dating process, you should discuss it with your partner.

        According to “Dating for Dummies,” “Sexual intimacy, although not necessary to a committed relationship, is often one of its hallmarks.” Regardless of your intimacy level, you still want to be clear with your partner about your relationship status.

      3. Expectations

      • Prior to talking, you should sort out how you feel about the relationship, aside from anything your partner may feel, and decide what you want or need from your partner. The book, “Getting Love Right: Learning the Choices of Healthy Intimacy,” suggests asking yourself the following: “Are the people you are presently involved with capable of giving you what you want in a relationship? Do you share similar expectations for the relationship? Are you currently involved with someone who has the potential to be a healthy partner?”After giving these questions some thought, you will need to have a discussion with the person you are dating.

      4. Discussing it

      • So, you are confused about the status of your dating relationship and you need to have ‘the big talk’. How do you bring it up? The best way to have this discussion is directly, and in a friendly manner. Also, it is best talk in person. Discussing your dating life via phone, e-mail or text allows for miscommunication. Be direct and ask the person whom you are seeing if they want to be exclusive or not.

        If the person you are seeing is reluctant to discuss the status of your relationship, give them a few days to consider it. If they still shy away from discussion, this could be a red flag.

      5. Confusing Behaviors

      • Occasionally, you might date someone who displays confusing and sometimes manipulative actions or behaviors. For example: You have discussed it and have decided not to have a committed relationship, only casual dating. However, your date becomes possessive when your cell phone rings, or someone says hello. Or, your date will attempt to convince you that they are only seeing you, but they won’t actually commit. In either of these cases, you should reevaluate your relationship and consider whether or not you want to be involved with a person who is manipulative.