Why let a butterfly flap??

Been a while since i have taken time to write this out after so many years of silence. I don’t foresee any of the time lost and the gained seconds. Most of the time that we do take seconds for granted as they wither our so proclaimed wisdom. A butterfly is of different shades and with every flap its shines its ever amazed natural color to life.

Ever taken time to observe this creature admire itself before you lounge glass as yourself stand beside it sipping down the aged red wine or that beloved whisky. This brought about a generous mindset to compare all the friends who been through our lifetime. All the footsteps they have left behind is equivalent to the lifecylce of my amusement creature that has brought about this hidden thoughts.

A simple “Hi” to this BFF who was once a stranger  is that egg so tiny and unseen to the naked eye bestowed on green leaves. Simple communication lets your friendship hatch into that active caterpillar that we so much fear to befall as its bound to cause aches on what sensitive  mindset we have. Every day holds a unique friend and if you never make a new friend every day,  so let me tell you that u r so much unsociable. A smile is all you got to bring them closer.

Pride  and prejudice eats away to Chrysalis foster great friendship for its that what u beloved back them that will you via the cocoon of life for sunshine is never promised. Bad days come n go with passing glances for so when do u tell me the butterfly of different colors is born only to die at a later .

OH Shit i forgot where i was going with kind of silly mindset as i sit with a grumpy face for showcase.My butterfly that gave me this idea just flew  away so did that new stranger who is not forecasted to talk  rethinks


my life time struggle with Love memory loss.

Imagine, in an instant, your spouse of  years doesn’t know you anymore. All the moments you shared together—gone, it does happen. My Love, after slipping and falling woke up with profound retrograde amnesia. In that simple accident, she lost all 30 years of his memory, including world history, his family, and me. Our marriage, our family, our life, deleted. She is  suddenly a stranger, a woman who looked at me blankly from his hospital bed, no flicker of recognition.

With that, I became a caretaker on her condition, I barely had time to think about whether this was forever. When we left the hospital, the doctors thought her memory would return within a few weeks, at most. So in those early days, I just tried to get through each day.

While She spent most of the day nursing an intense headache, I spent time putting out fires that were erupting in the love triangle without the leader at the helm. When she had breaks in the pain, we would watch TV. Just one commercial would bring up a never-ending list of questions for her. She asks things like: Why are people dressed in coats and it looks cold, when we are in light clothing and there is no snow? Why do people sound and dress different than we do? How big is Nairobi? How big is Kenya? The world? Many times these questions  lead us to family pictures that give some background into the world we live in and the things we had experienced together. I do find myself explain that there are different climates.

Speaking of Christmas, well, that took hours of explaining about tradition and religion. Again pictures provided some insight, but I was never too sure what he comprehended. I soon realized that she could only absorb so much at a time, and sometimes it would upset her to tears to realize how much she did not know. I stopped saying “do you remember when?” It was just too hard to see in his eyes the pain of not knowing things she could intellectually know that she once knew.

The family and I gave up rather quickly on trying to jog her memory; she would become so overwhelmed with sadness if the “trigger” didn’t work. So they just tried to tell her stories to fill in the gaps. It was like a puzzle, and each piece held knowledge, historic facts, or personal memory; sometimes when doing a giant puzzle, you have to take breaks putting it together see the important areas you need to solve next. After about a month without a single memory returning, I also stopped asking each morning, “Anything come back?” her saddened face and downturned head while shaking “no” was too heart-wrenching to watch. I didn’t want her to think that she let me down by not remembering. His pain was palpable.

About a month and a half after the accident, my friends urged me to join them for dinner, and they tried to cheer me up, cajoling me. “If she doesn’t remember anything, you could really reinvent who you are,” one said. I thought about all of the bad times I could erase from my past, the chubby times and the bad perms. As the wine flowed, my friends had even more creative suggestions: “You have an amazing opportunity here. After  years of marriage you can reprogram HER,” one said. “Tell her you go to the spa every Friday and you never clean the house and she always cooks.” And then, one of my friends said something decidedly unfunny: “Oh my God, what if she doesn’t fall in love with you again?”

I heard nothing else for the rest of the evening. This terrifying notion had crossed my mind before, but hearing someone else say it was paralyzing. When I got to my car that night, I sat, overwhelmed with emotion, and cried. What if she doesn’t want me anymore? What if she wants to live alone and experience the world without me? This is the kind of thing that happens in movies, not in my life.

I thought about the first time we met at a barbecue at his friend’s house in the suburbs of Nairobi. Unbeknownst to me at the time, it was actually on Her 22nd birthday. I was set up on a blind date and so was she, but not with each other. She and I met again on campus. Towering below me at 5 foot 4, she was an attractive pillar of strength, yet she won my heart with her gentle womanly nature and kindness, which she allowed only me to see. To the world she was this quiet, tough, driven alpha female; to me, she was everything I dreamed of in a woman.

As I got to know her better, he revealed all nonnegotiable values I looked for in a mate: honesty, wisdom, security, love, humor, courage, and respect in his words and actions. We spent hours as young lovers talking about our shared morals and values, and how we wanted to live like our parents had raised us—family first. Together, we enjoyed the simple life of the college campus,  and sharing cold leftover pizza for breakfast. I remember struggling to get though strenuous workouts, and then she would come by the gym after her practice. I knew that coy smile she gave me meant she wanted to walk me back home to study together, and my tired body would fill with anticipatory excitement.

Thinking about the longevity of our love, it was hard to believe that I would need to win back his love.As the weeks wore on, I spent every day by his side, while working from home. She often expressed his frustration with her loss of emotional connection to the past. He wanted to know what she was feeling in those moments of her life that we captured in photos or on video. She was also trying to understand her role in our family. I did notice that she watched me while I moved around the house, relentlessly questioning doctors and making sure she was as comfortable as could be. She was affectionate toward me. But I wondered: Would I forever be just a friendly face to her, or could we once again be something more?

The thought of it tortured me. I spent hours on the phone with my sister in law and best friend, venting and discussing solutions to various problems that were arising. Her sister played a vital role in keeping me strong. We hugged each other, often sobbing, while sharing our sadness, frustration, and grief. My unspoken inner sorrows were then given to God, praying for answers, healing, and peace.

It occurred to me that I could tweak my personality to be flawless—but that would take more energy than I had, and I figured she had loved me once before for whom I am. Maybe it could happen again.

As the weeks at home turned into months, she and I continued each day to spend time together, eating meals and watching movies and TV shows she once liked. I told her of how silly movie lines played a role in our family, quoting Dr. Evil. We had some laughs trying “new” foods that she could not remember, like Twinkies and candy bars. We laughed and cried together as she tried to remember who she was. Nothing was returning. We seemed to be only discovering more that she had forgotten.

Over the months, she never regained her memory. As she needed to know her world more, I thought it was vital for our relationship for me to share who I am, my emotions about things that had occurred in our past, and my thoughts about how we could get through this difficult time together. I shared details of our previous loving relationship; I showed her piles of family photos that I had saved, sorted, and stored. I wanted to fill in the lost memories and at the same time to exhibit the depth and substance of our loving life together, as well as the amazing selfless lover.

While I was creating some reality to our years together, I think I was etching in her the depth of my love for him, and she was realizing what “love” was. I don’t believe that I was reprogramming her love for me back into his heart. I believe, now reflecting on why she fell in love with me, that the fact that I kept loving and supporting her as I had always done, along with pure instinct. Her heart began to remember what her brain had lost.

In July of 2014, she got a single-photon-emission computerized tomography scan, or a SPECT scan, which revealed a profound lack of blood flow to the right temple and frontal lobes of the brain where it is believed that long-term memory is stored. Doctors told us that there is little hope that his memory will return. This was a huge turning point for us to accept that she needed to live for the future, as she might never recapture the past.

We continue to search for answers. There are still some rough days when we struggle with self-identity issues and the profound loss of memories. She tells me every day that she loves me more and more, and is so happy that I stood by her. While she has changed in many ways, as we all do over the years, I am grateful that the woman I fell in love with years ago is still by my side. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part for with time I have come to realize that the help is abundant from friends and this is how we manage to get via our different struggles

1. Taking on More Responsibilities

As the partner with dementia becomes unable to carry out his or her usual tasks, the unaffected partner begins taking on extra responsibilities.

How You Can Help:

Encourage the unaffected partner to receive ongoing support where he or she is most comfortable, whether that means leaning on family members, turning to a church community or bringing in professional help. In order for a couple to maintain a relationship when dealing with the effects of dementia, some find it helpful to bring professionals into their homes, or to move into a supportive living facility, rather than have the unaffected partner become the sole nurse, housekeeper and personal caregiver.

Decline in Health for the Caregiver

The stress and demands of daily care negatively impact the health of the caregiving partner.

How You Can Help:

Remind the caregiver you’re concerned about not putting his or her own needs first, and offer to step in to provide respite care when you can. Caring for someone with dementia can be all-consuming, and many caregivers see their health, both mental and physical, suffer as a result. Offer to stop by and spend time with the affected person once or twice a week so that the other partner can take a break and attend to his or her own needs. During this time, the caregiver could run errands or go to appointments, attend a support group or do something enjoyable like see a movie.

Personality Changes

When one partner experiences personality changes, loses confidence in their abilities, or acts unpredictably as a result of dementia, both partners often start to withdraw from others.

How You Can Help:

Stay engaged — emotionally, physically, socially — and keep the couple involved as a part of your social group. Invite them to spend time with you and to mix with others just as you have in the past. Maintaining your relationship may require extra effort, but a commitment to connecting in any way you can will help provide a sense of stability in an uncertain time. Lend a listening ear and share resources for support when it makes sense. Most of all, when you interact, remember to help the couple stay positive.

“I remember the best times we had together,” she says.

For a couple affected by dementia, small actions from family and friends can have a big impact. Simple acts of kindness like providing respite for the caregiver and helping the couple look on the bright side can make all the difference

As time unfolds we are to glad that family and friends stay by our side with positive notion that things will be great  one of the soon coming days.Living in the current and no one pestering her of the past …… Be sure of the covenant and vows you take up at the alter for better or worse do stand by your love…

thin line between BFF

What is the difference between a best friend and a boyfriend for a girl? What separates that thin line between a best friend and a boyfriend? I really need a girl’s perspective. What do they think is the difference?


Let me give you some background. I am putting up this question as a boyfriend who is not able to understand the relationship of his girlfriend with her best friend (male obviously).
PS: I completely trust her, but i didn’t wanna ask this question to her. is it so sad to face the facts and truth that lies beneath the line and when one crosses over to the other zone.
many that have been down the path that has now seems to be my downfall and am i being blind sided by love and giving up all that i have left and i am in this world. many have so far said:
:One is completely f-zoned,The other frequently boned.
Even though the first she’ll never kiss but on the second When he’s far she’ll        definitely miss. The second will share her lust,The first, at most her trust.
If you’re the first, just enjoy the schmooze,If you’re the second jealousy catches up with you if you trully love them for no male can/ will share the love of their life.
:Attraction and sexual chemistry. most of the girls will say My best friends are like my bros! No crossing lines there. No attraction. but the Best way to judge where you stand in a relationship (in your early twenties) – if you’re best friends, there won’t be any ego hassles. Transcend it to a relationship – you will go on days without talking to one another just to prove a point or mostly to assert that you’re right!
So. She will be more comfortable with you in terms of intimacy. But post-an argument, she’ll be comfortable letting go of it more with her best friend.

the un said details the love life cycle  the unspoken rules stands……Boy-o-boy,no girl will ever tell you these hard facts.

The most simple difference.
♡Best friend=(Boy friend)-(sex)

Call/chat times.
♥Boy friend = 9 pm to 9 am
♡Best friend = 9 am to 9 pm
9 pm to 9 am only when they are in a break up or fight. Here you get mindless crying and abusing of her boyfriend,but your only duty is to cobsole her.

Expiry date.
♥Boy friend = Will change according to who dumps who.
♡Best friend = A permanent position until you opt to get out of friendzone or she gets married.

♥Every thing that a boyfriend say is taken as the sonnets of love when they are not in a fight and everything that he says will be taken as insults when they are in a fight.
♡Even when the Best friend expresses clearly the way he loves her,she would always find it as the epitome of friendship.

♥Best friend gets the opportunity to select the gifts for her boyfriend and also see she screaming with ecstasy when she opens the gifts given to her.
♡As a best friend if you ever get a valuable gift than the raksha-bandhan,consider yourself lucky.

In short,from an Indian context.
Girls will get married at the age of 22-26.
Boyfriends would be usually good looking or rich guys.
Best friends would be perfect boyfriends,but either wont be having the looks or wont be that rich.
In the end 99 percent of girls will marry a total stranger,by that time boyfriend will be beneficial because he had at least a physical relationship (which in India is a big deal).
Best friend would be the loser,without any sex and also no future contacts with the girl. Even if she contacts she would be doing so only to complain.
So in the end best friend ends up as a loser.

You either remain a normal friend or live long enough to be her best friend.

Boyfriend > Love + Full Access + Strings Attached
Best Friend > Like + No Access/Minimal Access +More Strings Attached
Friends with Benefit > No Love + Full/Partial Access +Other Benefits
this entire makes and sounds silly and majority of us have and know what is Every girl has these two kinds of male friends in her life… one is her boyfriend whom she love’s and the other one is her best friend who love’s her.
the best friend is meant to listen to the stories of her and her boy friend (like what they did all day , what her boyfriend gave her or said to her.. ), she before giving any gift to her boyfriend consults her best friend , he becomes her problem solver , counselor, rescuer.He is the one who most of the times sought out the fight’s between her and  her boyfriend. He is the one who completes her home work and helps her in her studies.
He is the one who always want to see her happy may be more than her boy friend … because loving someone and seeing her in someone’s other arm’s everyday and still being normal and helping her is not the thing everyone do.The other difference could be a girl always tries to impress her boyfriend by dressing up nicely , putting up make up or doing other stuffs whereas she does not do any of these to impress her best friend…her best friend knows everything about her boyfriend (as she tells him everything and some best friends are so close that girl might even tell him when did she make out with her boyfriend) . but the boy friend has least knowledge about her best friend .
Lastly the boyfriend has license or right to get in physical relation with her whereas the best friend does not have this privilege.

Jealosy in my eyes cant console the tears in my heart but as day goes by u r bound to make  peace with all you cant achieve but caring, appreciation, paying attention to your lover is all you need to have in the sytem and never let anger frustrate the judgements after the fight as if you both make it via the bond is stronger and meaningful more than you  previously were.
let it a reminder to the past and the future.

Tech Droughts helps in communication

LIFE IS the best COACH.

as i am into technology a relative  told me that technology has invaded her home  taking over  most communication. as she relaxed on the couch after work one evening, she unsuccessfully tried to engage her 13 year  old daughter  in a conversation : yet they were in the same room but she was busy sending out text messages on her phone. she kept receiving one line answers even  when she wanted elaboration . she sought to know how many texts she had sent that day.

she recounts the daughter responded without looking up saying, in a  it-is-non-of-your-business tone that she did not know. when she insisted , she said 50texts (in seven hours she had been) she was quick to add that some of her friends were not yet at home.

she took this to mean that was a” low texting season” and things were about to get busier. her ordeal reminded of a  recent episode on the Steve Harvey show where Steve was responding  to a plea from a mother who believed that technology infiltration n in his home had led to  communication breakdown among her family  members. He and her two daughters and a son  aged 13,11 and 8 respectively spent far too much time working on their electronic devices.

Her plea was how to make his family spend less time in the virtual world and begin  communicating more often with one another.

they immediately thought to go “cold turkey’ for 48 hours. that is all their gadgets would be confiscated and they would only have each other for company with the show’s cameras recording their every move. the confiscation went without  a hitch  but as the weekend rolled on, evidence of their addiction  to gizmos unfolded.

1. feeling isolated.

the first casualty was the 13 year old daughter followed by the 11 year . within the first 12 hours, the eldest had begun  kicking a fuss  and became hysterical. her sister  was no better .

when asked what was bothering her, she said she was feeling isolated and confined, she had no alternative way to spend her time and had no intention of adopting a different  lifestyle. the young mas was more addicted to his PlayStation  and other games and appeared bored when told to go and play with other children. even the parents began to feel the effect of tech drought. the mother  complained of feeling out of control and realized that she had relied on her phone more than she thought, she felt crippled without.

watching this family reveals how society has become dependent on mobile technology  for communication and entertainment.

another friend shared his  family, he  felt while on a road trip with his family. he had to call his children’s attention  to watch anything interesting during the journey and felt they might as well have stayed at home.

i think  the idea of a trial cold turkey period is the beginning to weaning ourselves of this addiction. communication in a family is the fabric that holds it together.

relationships are fed by communication between the parties. physiologists are increasingly finding more people, across all age groups who find it hard to live without their gadgets.

2. Stimulate the body

the 11 year old  girl in the family under observation was particularly incensed that, among the items she “lost” was the new iPhone she had received as present two weeks earlier.

addiction sometimes sterns from the excitement to experiment with new technology. parents should  let their children know of alternative sources of entertainment.  there is need for teenagers to appreciate and engage in other activities that can stimulate the body and brain. it is advisable to be offline occasionally so one can spend quality time with one self.

there is a certain ‘fix” people get when they feel others want to engage them with these gadgets. parents should let their children know that properly choreographed exposure and choice of company may in the long run create a uniqueness that would make them more appealing to friends.

for as much as the technology has positive influence on our life addiction to it leads to unsocial lifestyles and become unreliable people. the early you tame your kids with the gadgets at their disposal communication channel will not be affected. be on the look out  and once in a while let you and your family enjoy“COLD TURKEY”  serving .

9 reason y we all cheat

How do you write about cheating without sounding like you’re vouching for  it.How do u show that there’s a grey area that people don’t see.Being a thorough feminist,its only fair that i talk for women.Gone are the days where women stayed home and waited for their husbands to come home @ dawn smelling like other women..You know that song”when you’re doing your thing baby;don’t think im not”.The game has changed.

So then,why do  women cheat?
1.Not enough Sex
Remember those good old days when you stayed up all night fooling around.When you couldn’t get enough of each other?Then life got busy.work,evening classes..boys nights.Women like to feel wanted.If you’re not making her feel that,she WILL seek it elsewhere.

There’s nothing like sex with a pretty boy to boost low self esteem.She will feel sexier,more beautiful.If your woman has has low self esteem its not your fault,however there are ways to make her feel secure  in the relationship.pay attention to her,pay her genuine compliments.

3.Being the bad girl
Just as men feel the urge to sow their wild oats,some women have an inner sex kitten waiting to be released.This will normally be awakened after a big thing,a new job,dramatic weightloss..Just make sure its you she is talking to about her excitement or her new found body love and not that stranger at the bar..and then,well we all knw how that ends

4.Revenge/payback for past wrongs.
So you did something that hurt her thoroughly.Maybe you lied about not having a child then your baby mama showed up.whatever.A big betrayal.She will get back at you,your days are numbered son.

Women work hard and at times men dont recognize that.I remember when a certain ex was almost moved in with me.So id leave xul,hit the gym,fix dinner and still wear a little sexy thing for him when he got home.All in a days work,right.Buh guess what,that ‘thankyou babe’ or the ‘damn,the food is amazing’  went a long way.When he stopped appreciating,i stopped being nice.

While women prefer talking about their feelings,men withdraw.They go to their man caves to deal with their issues and shut their women out.Women feel ignored when the guy acts like that,or they think he has lost interest..so they’ll start looking around.

Sex can become monotonous if you let it.Same position,same place,same time,same person…Get it?
An affair gives an adventurous/dangerous feeling.Keep things spicy.Fantasies!!.Ask her about hers..Tell her about yours..live them out.Do you like white women,let her wear a blonde weave and act white:)Does she like men in uniform?well,your cousin Mark is an ‘Afande’ right?Borrow his uniform for a night..seriously.Fool around in the lift,sneak away from a party and make out ..kiss her unexpectedly.You get the drill.Don’t be boring.

While i hate to be controlled,i don’t want a man i can control.Women like challenges.Have you become a doormat?does your life revolve around her?Does she tell you what to do all the time.Are your lips swollen from constantly kissing her ass??Is it you i’m talking about?Well then u need to Man up,and find your place in the relationship,before she gets bored with you and leaves.

“If a man cheats on you,cheat on him and don’t tell him.The world looks more interesting that way” Need i say more?Sorry will not do it after a man cheats.Sometimes you need to do what you have to do to be even,to punish him.

For a woman,cheating is more emotional than it is physical.If there’s someone giving her making her laugh more than you do..then,its only a matter of time.
Kiss kiss pretty boys hope this helps:)

man to man talk with son

as my son turns five and just  graduated to class one, i have noticed he has a close attached to a small girl of same age and he bold introduces her to we ( my wife n I) “mammie, mammie , dad look whom i brought over for lunch!”

we both look at each other in awe but he continued and with a cheeky face that made me run for the hills when he said,

“dad, how do u see my new girlfriend ?,aint we just  cute together”

at that moment i realized why it was now the right time to have a man to man talk with my handsome young son, as too much TV was what he had n i hate surprises  that are accustomed to him. i had a hard rough time explaining why on this earth you cannot:-

1. You Can Not Chase Money And Women At The Same Time – Even when so many fathers have made this mistake in their youthful days they still end up failing to tell their sons that one cannot hunt for money and women at the same time. It is either one makes money and then start chasing women or the other way round.

2. A Man Gets More Respect Based On His Pocket – This point is not trying to encourage crime or ungodly acts in other to make wealth but to face reality. It is a known fact that both within the home front and the society at large, a man is respected the more according to how comfortable and financially free he becomes.

3. Women Can Make Or Ruin You – So many fathers even when they know the truth of the power of any woman, still shy away from enlightening their sons on the critical hidden powers a woman possesses. From the days of Adam, Samson, Solomon, Abacha and other notable men, we have seen how a man can either rise or fall through the power and influence of a woman. A man should therefore thread as softly as possible when dealing with a woman.

4. A Woman Can Smell A Successful Man From Miles Away – Women naturally have an hidden instinct of knowing a man who is successful or have the tendency of being successful in the future. So many women have stuck to a struggling and upcoming man against their parents wish of marrying an already made man. A woman will say things like “he has a bright future”, “he has potentials” or “he will be a great man in future”. Ladies who have uttered such words and stuck by their men have never gone wrong. Example is how Michelle Obama stuck with Barack through thick and thin.

5. A Woman Doesn’t Like A Weak Man -When fathers tell their sons never to give in to a woman’s pressure, they mostly advise their sons to be forceful on issues to prove he is the man of the house. When in reality, women prefer men who say less and do more, rather than the ones who keep talking but do less. The latter is the typical meaning of a weak man but fathers always advice to do such to prove he is the king of the house.

6. Women Appreciate Men With Fatherly Characters – Most men always miss out on this and as such never advise their sons to be a father figure to their wives. Women are best at doing this but every woman wants a man who sits her down to advice her, reason with her, give her constructive criticisms and above all, believe in her.

7. It Is Easier To Catch A Cheating Man Than Catch A Cheating Woman – Most men till date don’t know that it is far easier to get caught cheating as a man than catching a woman who cheats. A woman can make a man ‘father’ every single child she has but only her knows who the biological father is, while a man can hardly keep it as a secret from his wife when he has a love child outside the matrimonial home.

all long he sat there staring at me and when i was done he just asked me,

“dad does this make me man enough to propose, ?” to her in class so as i can marry her when we turn both 13  in  2920days to  come and on reducing end ?”

i just couldn’t say another word to this small brains that i had now made more enlightened for i am sure the grandpa was now happy looking down on us n overhearing  us have the talk that he couldn’t have with me at such tender age.

Honesty: the best thing that anyone can give you n aid your future that awaits.


difference between dating being relationship.

Dating itself can be incredibly confusing, much less, defining what your relationship status is. The difference between dating and being in a relationship can be subtle. It is important to discuss relationship boundaries with the person you are dating, and be clear in your communications with them.

  1. Commitment

    • The difference between dating and being in a relationship is commitment. If you are going out with someone on a regular basis, and you and your partner have agreed to date only one another, then you are in a committed relationship.

      However, if you are dating a person and neither of you have agreed to date exclusively, then you are not in a relationship and you are both free to also date other people.

    2. Is it Mutual?

    • Some of the most heartbreaking relationship problems can be caused by lack of communication. Have you and your partner discussed your relationship status? Did you come to a mutual agreement about your relationship status as a couple? If any of this is unclear to you, at any point in the dating process, you should discuss it with your partner.

      According to “Dating for Dummies,” “Sexual intimacy, although not necessary to a committed relationship, is often one of its hallmarks.” Regardless of your intimacy level, you still want to be clear with your partner about your relationship status.

    3. Expectations

    • Prior to talking, you should sort out how you feel about the relationship, aside from anything your partner may feel, and decide what you want or need from your partner. The book, “Getting Love Right: Learning the Choices of Healthy Intimacy,” suggests asking yourself the following: “Are the people you are presently involved with capable of giving you what you want in a relationship? Do you share similar expectations for the relationship? Are you currently involved with someone who has the potential to be a healthy partner?”After giving these questions some thought, you will need to have a discussion with the person you are dating.

    4. Discussing it

    • So, you are confused about the status of your dating relationship and you need to have ‘the big talk’. How do you bring it up? The best way to have this discussion is directly, and in a friendly manner. Also, it is best talk in person. Discussing your dating life via phone, e-mail or text allows for miscommunication. Be direct and ask the person whom you are seeing if they want to be exclusive or not.

      If the person you are seeing is reluctant to discuss the status of your relationship, give them a few days to consider it. If they still shy away from discussion, this could be a red flag.

    5. Confusing Behaviors

    • Occasionally, you might date someone who displays confusing and sometimes manipulative actions or behaviors. For example: You have discussed it and have decided not to have a committed relationship, only casual dating. However, your date becomes possessive when your cell phone rings, or someone says hello. Or, your date will attempt to convince you that they are only seeing you, but they won’t actually commit. In either of these cases, you should reevaluate your relationship and consider whether or not you want to be involved with a person who is manipulative.

The Parents consortium

this article just made me go bananas

The other morning I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth and Tamms was in there taking a susu. I didn’t think I needed to knock. She’s five for crying out loud, it’s not like she would be shaving. The moment I stepped in, she yelled her head off, “what are you doing? Close the door!” So I slipped in and closed the door. “Aaaah, no! Get out, and close the door!” Jeez, she was near hysteric. So I mumbled and stepped out.

She’s all grown now. At five they want privacy. It doesn’t make sense. She needs privacy to take a leak, but when she is done, she calls out to her mom to go wipe her. I think if you are old enough to close the bathroom door, you should be able to wipe yourself; front going back (I know these things). However, I wonder whether guys with boys teach them bathroom etiquette, like you know, how to shake after. And do you hold his wee-wee and show him, or do you stand there and inspect the shake?

Anyway, next year she goes to class one. Class one is a killer. The school treats it like they are going to jump off the edge of space. You are handed a long list of schools that they think will suit her. And every school is categorised and colour coded and their strengths and weaknesses listed for your pleasure.

You also are required to attend sessions in school on how the change will “affect” them. Yes, apparently changing schools and losing friends will have dire effect on them as kids (gulp). So the transition has to be “bridged” smoothly. Between me and you, I think its nonsense. Kids adapt very fast. They aren’t like us who hang onto stuff, you know, we keep whining how we miss our old houses, former colleagues etc. Kids will wear a long face for a day, and the next day they will bounce back.

I know this because when I was in SA for ten days (the longest I have been away is 6 days climbing mount Kenya), Tamms wrote down the number of days I was away on a piece of paper – the day of the week and the date. She would tick off the days after the end of the day. I didn’t know this was happening but when I got back I ran into this piece of paper and saw that she had not ticked the last two days. “Eff, it,” I bet she told herself, “this nigga isn’t coming back. Men! ” She got bored of waiting and moved on. She adapted to my absence. Eight bloody days is all I’m worth!

Of course that gutted me. I mean, you would think that they would wait for years, nope! Eight days. Doesn’t matter how many ice creams you buy, or chicken or shoes, they will move on. Anyway, I didn’t think too much about, but it stayed in mind, niggling, until I said OK, fine, I will confront her.

So I waited until one morning when she was having breakfast. She normally sits on this pink plastic chair, wedged about 2.1cms from the TV screen (only sissies watch TV from a safe distance). Having breakfast is a distracted episode: she can hold a slice of bread about an inch from her lips for 25mins while she is lost on some cartoon. I can shower, dress up and still find her holding that bread to her face. We lose them to cartoons then when when we finally find them, we lose them to life.

“Tamms,” I tapped her back gently. “ Why did you stop ticking these dates?”

“You are tickling me,” she mumbled, not looking at me.

“No, I’m not. Why did you stop ticking, these dates?”

No answer. So I mute the TV. She turns to look at me with a mixture of self imposed patience and revulsion.

“This thing here,” I’m tapping the paper with a smile, “ why did you stop ticking?”

“ I did not stop ticking,”

“You did. You stopped on Friday. Look. ”

She looked at it closely then said, “ I lost my pencil.”

“You could have used crayons, or a chalk, or biro pen or mommy’s eye pencil, anything…”

She looked confused at all the drama and went back to stare at the muted TV.

“Did you think I would not come back?” I whined, fishing for attention.

“ No, you went where?” She’s changing the subject.

“I went to South Africa. But did you think I will not come back?”

“Nooo!” a feeble smile.

“No as in, no you didn’t think I will come back or no, you knew I will come back?”

“But you came back!” Good point.

“Yes, but I mean, you didn’t think I would come back, did you?”

“ No.”

“No, what?”

“Are you going back, you get me a puzzle?”

“First lets solve this puzzle here!”

“Which one?”

“The one of you forgetting me!”

“Genevieve has a blue pencil holder, will also buy for me?” she asked.

I bet Genevieve would never forget about her father that’s why she gets blue pencil holders! I thought to myself, but heard myself say, “Yes, I will.”

Why bother. Asking kids such questions is like asking a woman if she came. I mean, you will get an answer all right, but you will never know whether it’s the right answer. Not when you are all touchy and ego-fragile.

Anyway, back to class one.

In preparation, we have attended of these school things where they advice and guide parents on their choice of schools. I often enjoy most school meetings (especially the father’s forums), but sometimes they can get pretty tedious: check into the lawn area, serve yourself tea, pick a mandazis, join a flock of fathers talking about their kids, meet someone new, pretend you are interested in how their son loses his footballs weekly, converge into the meeting room, listen to some smart-alec give a testimonial, use the washroom, find a lunje already in there because he took three mugs of tea, jog on the spot as you wait for him to finish, use the live hedge instead. Repeat.

But after going for so many of them, I can classify parents who attend them. You only have to stand up to ask a question and I will immediately pigeon hole you.

Mr. Professional

He has a career. The rest of you have jobs. Having a career is not bad, but this guy will make sure you know he has a career. He could be a GP, a lawyer, or an engineer. Funnily enough, I have never heard of a showy gynaecologist (no pun).

So the head teacher, will ask, “ Have you any particular needs about your children that you want addressed that perhaps you can share with the group, for purposes of learning?” His hand will shoot up. He will then stand up and take about two hours buttoning up his coat. Then he will say, “ My name is Ouma. A. McOkoth. I have a son in Green Apples called Reyad Musa Al Asaad, named after my Syrian hero (chuckle in the room). My question is about XYZ, and I ask it only because as a consulting dentist my interactions…” Then off he will go dropping references about his work and experience and affluence. When he is done with his question, three days later, you will be certain that the initial “A” in his name is a body part.

The Romantics

I like these ones. It’s always the lady who stands up, mostly a light one, a bit plump-ish. She will always ask a question and not forget to give a very rosy reference about their marriage. She will extol to us broken ones, the virtues that live of their home, how loving they are. She will always call her husband, “sweetie” or “darling”. She might even put her hand on her “hazbad’s” head while she speaks of how he lies on the carpet every evening to play with the kids. That time you came home late two nights ago and you are only barely being tolerated as a living creature, let alone a human being. But when this lady speaks, and you listen very very keenly, you will always hear the collective room roll their eyes.

The Prayerful

He almost wants to start his question with, “na tuombe…” I have nothing against people of faith. I really don’t, I think it’s a great thing, but try not impose it on people, or make them feel like they will burn in hell if they don’t pray with their kids before they sleep. And this guy, always speaking in very low sagely tone and will quote the bible gallantly to make a point.


This chap has never contributed to any debate. He comes in silently, ignores the tea (we can safely say he isn’t lunje), and sits at the back. He sometimes takes notes on his phone. Or just listens and laughs occasionally. He isn’t snobbish; he’s just socially awkward. He seems like those guys who has never won mismatched socks in their lives.

Perfect Dad

I don’t like this guy. The holder of 2012/2013 World’s Coolest Dad. He is a smart-ass who makes every dad look insufficient. He has this fatherhood down to a pat. I know a guy like this in Tamm’s school. First he has this high pitch voice that you cannot want to smile at, like that “Donge” guy from Kisumu. I’m certain Tamm’s voice is deeper. And he always wants to contribute to a discussion or a debate because he has the handbook. And when he stands to debate, he always gives example of what he does with his girls (he has two girls) and how close they are, and how he knows exactly what to do in what situation. He has a fatherhood tablet that God gave him when he went up to Mt Longonot. And us “sinners” should learn from it.

The Joker

My hero. Everybody’s hero actually. This guy never comes to many school meetings. He almost always looks like he has a hangie. But he is hilarious. When he gets up to speak, you can feel the room readying himself for a laugh. He is the guy who shouts something from the back of the room, something suicidal given the matrony-no-nonsense look of the head teacher of the school. He is friendly to everyone, so before the sessions begin you will always find guys eclipsed around him, hearing his ludicrous tale. And he laughs loudly and calls everybody “mkubwa.”

Everybody likes him because he has no pretences. His wife always looks embarrassed when he stands to speak, which adds to his intrigue. So when Mr Ouma A McOkoth is speaking, all everybody wants is to wrestle the microphone out of his hands and hand to this chap.

How sad can it get?


 Please read this text:

A girlfriend gave a challenge to her boyfriend; To live a day without her. No communication at all and said if he passed it, she’ll love him forever. The boyfriend agreed. He never texted her, nor called his girlfriend for the whole day – without knowing his girlfriend has only 24 hours left because she was dying from cancer. After a day, he excitedly went to his girlfriend. “I did it baby”, but tears fell as he saw his girlfriend lying in a coffin with a note “You did it baby.. Now please do it everyday.. I love you” I cant tell you how much I hate that story! It makes me think of my grandmother, who died some years ago – because of cancer. miss her so much! I can’t find words too describe it. She was only 60 years old

 I want to look and act just like her. Too me she was (will always be in my heart!) the perfect human. Cancer is so unfair! I remember the last words she whispered to me “take care of yourself honey!”… Get tears in my eyes just by writing it. As I said, she was perfect , Wish I could call her an tell her how much she means too me, and tell her to come see me soon so that I could give her a hug

Do you know someone who has cancer, or someone who won or lost the battle? take time and show em that they can make it n that it aint the end of life  but they can live to see a another day cause Our Lord is the ultimate cure.


Funny messages that you can’t resent…

People say that love is in every corner… I must be walking in circles.
Love is the fart

Of every heart.
For when held in,
Doth pain thy host.
But when let out,
Pains others most.
Last night I hugged my pillow and dreamt of you… I wish that someday I’d dream about my pillow and I’d be hugging you.
He broke my heart, so I broke his jaw.
My love for you is like diahrea, I just can’t hold it in.
True love is like a pillow

You can hug it when you’re in trouble
You can cry on it when you’re in pain
You can embrace it when you’re happy
So when you need true love
Buy a pillow
    Boys are great. Every girl should have one.
Your smile can be compared to a flower

Your voice can be compared to a cuckoo
Your innocence to a child
But in stupidity you have no comparison
You’re the best!
  You always stop and stare, why not just take a picture?
  If I kiss him will he stop talking?
  People tell me there’s plenty of fish in the sea. But who wants to date a fish?
  You tripped me, so I fell for you.
yes i am a flirt but no matter how hard i try to quit the world of one i just cant help but realize how great it is to paly n toy the life as they one really wants to have a flirt for a friend… the main issue being that players and flirts don’t care how the other feels but they will get whatever they want at whatever cost n later on they dispose what they earned because its never in there system to maintain.
Ladies be honest to your mind, “YES that guy is cute, i wont mind if he is player but i want,?”  Guy: “” OMG that lady is superhot, ass of an angel n face af a devil, i don’t give a damn who cares not to hit and run.. the whore is volatile..” just to realize the flirts n players r the greatest womanisers as they master the womans in question needs n appease it with You can fall from the sky, You can fall from a tree But the best way to fall Is in love with me

The spaces between your fingers are meant to be filled with mine.

If nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?

Loving you is like breathing; How can I stop?

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet but nothing compared to you.

I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.

The shortest word for me is I
The sweetest word for me is LOVE
The only one for me is YOU

I get the best feeling in the world when you say “Hi” or smile at me, because I know that even for a second that I’ve crossed your mind.

Every morning I wake up happy because I know I’ll see you.

Every night I go home crying because I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see you again.

Did the sun just come out or did you just smile at me?
Some say there are more. Some say everything in life is a wonder. But to me, There is only one… You!

It’s not my fault that I fell for you, you tripped me!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
The sun is hot
And so are you

Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me?

If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life.

Is that love I see in your eyes, or merely a reflection of mine?

Let’s not get engaged, not just yet.

Let’s commit the perfect crime, I’ll steal your heart, and you steal mine.

Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I’ve done in my life.

If you were a tear I would never dare to cry. I might lose you!

My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.

From A to Z all that really matters is U and I.
Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

If beauty were time, you’d be eternity.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

Can’t wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful everyday.

My heart to you is given; Oh, do give yours to me; we’ll lock them up together and throw away the key.

If you are gong my way I will walk with you.

I wish dreams were like wishes and wishes came true because in my dreams I am always with you.

Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted.

Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes.

Are your legs tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all day long.

Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
mention that you going woman fishing and i can assure you that one thing u will ultimately need is that carry with the sweet words n u have to be rude en be the bad boy that you used to be in child hood. Good boys always come in last n all the goodladies get the Badboys  laughing off the asses as the bad ladies get the cute ones… all bad people r never really bad but thy play the foul since they av tried to be good n they were hurt so the bad boy was born to avenge the good gone bad.
Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

If beauty were time, you’d be eternity.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

Can’t wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful everyday.

My heart to you is given; Oh, do give yours to me; we’ll lock them up together and throw away the key.

If you are gong my way I will walk with you.

I wish dreams were like wishes and wishes came true because in my dreams I am always with you.

Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted.

Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes.

Are your legs tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all day long.

Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
this is life and how to it emerges we deal with it.