Been a while since i took time to reflect …
its always a simple as said but as said by majority ,”When a female is used to getting hurt ,she won’t know how it feels wen a man starts to appreciate her and eventually she ends up pushing him away” it has been said and majority of are so used to the idea of getting hurt, it takes time to heal but facing our fears and finding that one reason to keep the relationship is what we all deny.
The most powerful tool in the life that we live in is LOVE, the greatest commandment in the Holy Book, The Bible. It takes time to develop love and for it to fade via Death that separates us. Love blossoms where there is care and sacrifice to all that we do as lovers , the most assured way when ua heart is hurting is to make peace with the person who made u suffer and get hurt in the first place, running from a problem doesn’t solve a thing but causes more remorse and hate between the parties.
At times we always get ourselves in the part where you hurt me more than i deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve, Why am I such a fool? but on the safe side don’t hold to anger , hurt or pain. they steal your energy and keep you from love gets us un- prepared bearing in mind that Love is a cycle …… When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. when you Hate , you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing. and when you start missing you will eventually fall in love again and again the process will someday repeat .
You will never know the power of yourself until someone Hurts you badly n i hope you ‘ll realize how much you are hurting me someday is all you say n may you smile even when it still hurts with a wish that you get the power to ignore them as they ignore you but in remorse our tempers flare letting out the surprised motion,” So let us ignore each other , try to pretend the other person doesn’t exist, but deep down, we both know it wasn’t supposed to end like this”
with this in mind lets us not escape the fact that in love we are bound to encounter breakups or fights once in a while as long as we love, in the fights that we encounter always take deep breaths and avoid the word fights for once a tongue utters a word it cant be taken back, words hurt most and actions heal faster and recollect.
we break up to make up but all is based on what kind of break we experience:-
1. THE MUTUAL BREAK UP
This is where both partners agree mutually to terminate the relationship. It’s usually when all feelings have died or when one partner undergoes a major life change, such as a new job far away and can’t seem to stay in along distance relationship.This sounds like the least painful break up but most people still feel a sense of loss. Even if you don’t love them anymore, you might still find yourself missing them. Depending on how long you’ve been together, you might find yourself doing things “their way,” and expecting them home at certain times or going to restaurants that the two of you went to etc. Allow yourself time to grieve, and don’t rush to move on. This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it’s time to pull the plug on Grandpa’s respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I’ve never had a mutual breakup. I can’t catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can’t be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again.
2. THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP BREAK UP
An abusive boyfriend/husband is a definite sign that it’s time to breakup. While this kind of break up is necessary, it often feels even more painful than a normal break up. It can be hard for family and friends to understand why you still miss and probably love someone who has abused you but it’s extremely hard to fight these feelings. You might find yourself wanting to call them or meet up. This is a bad idea, as it gives the person control over you again. Instead, take some #time off and mourn for a few days. Then throw yourself into your life, as keeping yourself distracted is a good way to forget how much you miss them. If you were the abusive #partner, keep yourself out of relationships for a while and think about what made you act the way you did. Discussing your feelings with a therapist or getting anger management might be a good step and stay out of relationships until you recover.
3. HE LEFT YOU
This has the added pain of being a shock, which leaves you no time to prepare. If you’ve been broken up with, write down his number and hide it somewhere out of the way. Then delete it from your phone, so you aren’t tempted to call him. Have one day of mourning, with ice cream and sad films and as much crying as you like and then focus on moving on. Sign up for a new class, have a night with the girls… anything that will distract you and help you to move on. When you are feeling more balanced, you can contact him to ask why if you don’t already know. If the problem is fixable, suggest a meet up, but try not to get your hopes up. If the meeting doesn’t go as planned, it’s time to get over him and move on!
4. YOU LEFT HIM
So you’ve considered it for a long time and finally decided to break up. You told him and felt terrible and now you’ve realized what you’ve let go of. The most important thing is that you know what you want. If you aren’t completely sure, leave him alone while you gather your thoughts. Do you want him back just because you miss having a #boyfriend or do you actually miss him? Just remember that many #people regret break ups right after and usually it’s just a phase. But if your phase doesn’t pass, #contact him and ask to meet. Explain your reasons for breaking up with him and try to find solutions to the problems. If you manage this, then talk about getting back together. If you can’t find a way to fix the issues, the relationship will just crumble again and cause more heartache
Break ups are hard to deal with even if you were the one to cause it. Remember that you have to give yourself time to heal and overcome the breakup but don’t wallow. If you feel seriously sad, or unmotivated, discuss your feelings with a doctor who may be able to recommend medication or a therapist. It’s normal to feel hurt, but most people bounce back fine and even become stronger in the process. Every time a relationship fails, it teaches you something new and you are better prepared to start a new relationship
5. The Circumstantial Breakup
A cousin of the mutual breakup, the circumstantial breakup occurs when the environment around you won’t permit the relationship to continue: my parents hate you, you’re in Mombasa and I’m in Nairobi (or even, you’re one town over), I need to be single for a while, etc. Recovery time is shortened because the other person offers an excuse that takes the focus off your weaknesses or unattractive qualities that could have caused a breakup.
6. The Ultimatum Breakup
The most common ultimatum leading to a breakup is: “Ask me to marry you within the next year of I’m out of here.” Other conflicts could cause ultimatums as well: change your religion, get rid of that stupid old car, etc. Ultimatum breakups can be tough to get over because it’s annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it’s over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it’s quite a relief.
7. The Something Someone Said Breakup
My friend broke up with his girlfriend he was dating for years, and he mentioned a conversation that occurred shortly before they broke up. They were discussing wedding rings, and she asked how much he’d spend. He simply hadn’t studied the “market” so he threw a number out there: “I don’t know, ksh.15,000.” She scoffed and said: “You should spend no less than ksh.50,000.” He later told me after she said that, he couldn’t think of her the same way anymore. In fact, it put a figurative “X” over her image in his eyes. They eventually broke up, and this conversation was the springboard. This type of breakup is painful because you wish you could take something you said or did back.
8. The I’ve Been Cheating
Whether you find out from them or some other way, it’s the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating or trying to regain faith in the opposite gender for getting the trust broken.
9. The First Love Breakup
The First Love breakup is one of the toughest to overcome. Some say you never get over it. This breakup teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, there are bills to pay, there are places to go. Things just can’t stay the same as they once were. Mine hit me when I got to college and my girlfriend stayed behind in college a year behind. Eventually, we had to move on. The first love breakup hurts so much because you’ve never experienced this feeling of loss and disappointment before. And, it’s part of growing up, and growing up is usually a painful process.
10. The Blind Side
My friend recently blindsided his ex. After she cried for an hour, he decided he had put in enough time and he left. This is traumatic because it comes out of nowhere. The blind-sider may have been thinking about it for months, and they conceal their intentions, then drop the bomb while everything seems to be going well. In fact, the couple may have spent time together the night before, but the blind-sider did so out of obligation.Blind Sides chip away at your ability to trust. If someone can break up with you when things seem to be going so well, you’ll have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting your new This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it’s time to pull the plug on Grandpa’s respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I’ve never had a mutual breakup. I can’t catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can’t be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again..
we all never mean to hurt the persons we love but when it occurs be calm and rethink of the situations before hand and after events, a genuine apology is all is needed to mend up for the actions that caused us to hurt the heart that loves us .Make peace with the past before stepping into the next before it comes haunting